Hi, world.

I'm Jenn; English, 21, rather too fond of TV shows involving cake, copious amounts of tea, and anywhere where I might get cuddles.

I'm Jenn; I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, I've had to defer my third year of university because I'm so depressed, I'm on medication that apparently might give me heart problems, and I'm not sure what my list of triggers are because right now it seems to be everything.

I'm Jenn; a writer and a reader and an over-thinker.

This journal is a pretty equal split between "yay, this fandom thing of win happened" and "oh fuck, my life is in pieces, I am MADE OF SAD". Just so you know.

I'm not friends only and I'm happy for you to add me, but I will only add you back if you drop me a comment here. It can literally say "hi", or whatever, but since I've started having more personal entries about ~emotions and things, I like to know who can see them.

So, like, misprinting was saying how she can't guess anyone's favourite Avenger accurately and it's been a surprise all round. So now I am curious. Doing a comment thing rather than a radio buttons one because, like, I'm nosy about personal replies!

So: COMMENT WITH YOUR FAVOURITE (MOVIE) AVENGER. I'm saying just from the main team, but if you'd rather pick Loki then capslock this sentiment after naming your Avenger ;)

Go! Pimp! Tell me! I'm nosy!

Popping in to say hi while I've got some internet access and do not have to go through the whole fraught business of sorting it out at home.

My life at the moment is mainly A Song of Ice and Fire books with periodic Avengers fandom things (people who made the whole Thor-as-the-Little-Mermaid fanart things you have RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE), with bits and pieces of actual opera (♥) and going to work and there's a Spiers & Boden concert tomorrow night! My brain and emotions are still a ridic mess and apparently all I do these days is sleep, but, what the hell, I'm around and alive and having all the exhausting fandom feelings.

Let the wild rumpus start, Maurice Sendak.

Hiiiiiii America!

Please, I require:

1. some form of bootleg of the post-credits scene you guys got that we didn't.
2. Natasha/Bruce icons.
3. More porn involving Clint.
4. Steve/Thor. Don't ask, just do.
5. A bit less d/s everywhere. Not that I don't like it, just I also like other things.
6. Allll the office AUs. I have read a couple and they are GREAT with this set of people.

Thank yooooou ♥

Also, I started reading Young Avengers last night and OH. MY. GOD. It's amazing. Gorgeous artwork, smart writing, fab characters (hot black young!Captain America? Yes please), kick-ass ladies, canon adorbs gay teen couples? Ugh, I love it.

Anyway, I'm posting this from my phone on the way to work so I should probs bugger off.

I should probs do an Avengers post sometime, just to be a bitch and be all HI AMERICA I'VE SEEN IT AND YOU STILL DON'T HAVE IT, on account of me being a horrible person and everything and also it's kind of nice to have something first for once, but I don't know what to say yet. Like, obvs it's really really good, but with my interest/excitement/emotions still in a state of not-very-existent flux, I feel cheated of all the ~feelings I should be having, ugh. I did really enjoy it though, and have accidentally started shipping Steve/Thor, because I am great and love myself a lot, and also Bruce/Natasha like WOAH, like, YES PLEASE. I will be obnoxiously uploading icons I am sure, once I am not using the internet at my mum's workplace which is awesome and blocks photobucket, thereby making icon browing pretty difficult.

Also: here is a fic rec. Mum made me go to bed at about midnight, so I ended up lying under the duvet for two hours reading this and trying to chew my arm off because it was so good. Like, I have legit teeth marks. So No One Told You is a Friends AU with non-powered Avengers, and therefore contains no movie spoilers, and EVERYONE can read it. It is really really funny, a little cracky and silly, and then BAM there are feelings and crying and all sorts. It's sort of a WIP in that the author is currently on hiatus to do academic things, BUT they have resolved most stuff, so therefore even if there is never anymore, there is a PROPER ENDING. I think Thor and Loki might be my favourites but tbh everyone is awesome and just I LIKE THIS A LOT OKAY. GO FORTH. READ. COME TALK TO ME ABOUT IT.

Right now I'm taking advantage of a few days off work and my emotional numbness to get on with reading the third A Song Of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones book A Storm of Swords. Well, the first half, since in the UK it's split into two volumes due to being really really really long. I've remembered that basically the only way to read these bloody books and not take two months about it is to set yourself strict reading targets; I'm on 200 pages a day so I can read this first half in three days. And, since yesterday evening, I have achieved 302 pages out of the 600 I need to read, and that's with me in bed without the book between midnight and 2:30 pm, so basically I am awesome and rocking along nicely. I'm enjoying this so much more than A Clash of Kings, basically because thus far there has been way less horrible murder of characters I have a passing interest in, and more People Doing Actual Stuff. I think I'm still most invested in Dany, Arya and Sam (OH MY GOSH SAM PLEASE DON'T DIE ANYTIME SOON I LOVE YOU) though whenever Tyrion arrives I get all handflaily and basically everyone is great, okay, except for Catelyn and Robb, who, sorry, have never been my favourites even though Richard Madden is unf. And oh gosh I didn't realise that I am really invested in Dany and Ser Jorah Mormont, but I am, and shush I already know everything is going to suck, shut up. So, yes. That is what I am up to.

Love to all.

Edit: Ha, I forgot my Game of Thrones tag is omg george get an editor. Nice one, past me.

I'm still faffing with it, but in other news, I now have the best LJ layout ever. It may not be super clean and so forth, but it is really pretty and also nice, so, that's cool.

Oooh, what is this, a second update in as many days? I know, I'm shocked too.

I'm online a bit at home so I can reply to yesterday's LJ comments - book recs, all the book recs, off you go if you haven't already - and figure I may as well do a quick entry while I download zips of Questionable Content. Well, the first thousand strips, anyway, not quite sure how I'm going to read the next 1000+ on 3G internet. I'm only about... a hundred and fifty strips in, something like that, but I'm really enjoying it and I kind of feel like Pintsize might be my spirit animal ♥

Today, I am reading The Austerity Olympics, which is about the 1948 London Olympics and how difficult it was to organise and host post WWII and how all the athletes had to make their own kits and live in sheds and things, and thus far it's adorable and giving me warm fuzzies, and yes, I'm aware that this is the first interest in sport I have ever ever shown, shut up.

Another day at work today so I'm knackered and my already-damaged fingernails are basically literally peeling off, ew, but it wasn't such a bad day because even though it was pissing it down outside lots of customers still came in, so there was stuff to actually do, even if I am bored of selling Fifty Shades of Grey to people who have no idea what it contains and only want it because the Times reviewed it.

I've also stopped listening to music in favour of just listening to Cabin Pressure all the time as I wander around, which is more fun because Cabin Pressure is the best thing to happen to me this year, hands down.

Tomorrow I am possibly going to see Avengers, and hopefully by then I will give a shit, because after like a year or more of hype it's really rubbish that I don't have emotions or interest in things when the actually fucking movie comes out. I mean, I can stay off twitter to deal with the fact I don't care about the people in my life or about my life enough to talk about it as it happens, but it really is sucky not to care about something that I've spent so long invested in.

Right, I have exciting M&S macarons to eat which have been decorated in gold, silver and bronze so they are shiny, so I shall fuck off and do that now.

Love to all.

So my life is all in bits, again, and I’ve basically stopped functioning and my concentration is all over the place and I’m emotionally numb so I don’t care about things (like, we were meant to see Avengers tonight and they’d sold out of 2D so we didn’t go and... I don’t mind. So clearly I am doomed etc). The plus side of not being able to watch TV or write or anything is that I’m getting a lot of reading done because the only thing I’m capable of doing at the moment is reading.

Anyway, I thought I’d do some short-but-sweet book reviews for you for the seventeen books I’ve read in the last two months, which range from Regency romances to books in which people literally get their arms ripped off, with a sprinkle of Steampunk and non-fiction.

( So, if you’re stuck for finding something to read... )

I also need to rec some webcomics at some point, but I’m bored of typing now, so I’ll do those later.

Love to all.

Using finkpishnets' mac to write this entry which is difficult because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU ALL GET ANYTHING DONE.

Ahem. Anyway, I'm off to Prague at like 4 a.m. tomorrow morning with finkpishnets, misprinting and uncurl which is exciting because, like, holiday made of fandom people! And Prague! And hopefully we will all have fun and not kill each other because, like, that would suck. To have died and not even written Hal/Tom porn.

I have all the cool things to relay but that's not going to be happening right now because I am totes confused by Bobbie's keyboard and also Narges is going "how long is that post you're writing" etc so I should probably like bugger off and continue looking at lolsy places I can try and talk the guys into going to in Prague (they have A MUSEUM OF MINIATURE THINGS. And a church with some kind of kitschy wax baby Jesus that they dress up and A MUSEUM OF HIS LITTLE OUTFITS. And yes I like weird stuff and am easily amused).

Apart from all that I have accidentally discovered Cut The Rope and now cannot stop playing it to the detriment of all other things, plus I keep getting food all over my iPhone, BUT it is fun so if you want to accidentally get hooked on a ridiculous game then go get it etc.

I hope that you are all well and shiny and nice things, and I'll hopefully be in to speak to you all soon, if I get online when I am back. Oh, and now Bobbie's special cat seems to be actively trying to stop me typing so, that's a thing.

Love to all.

Another post in the form of me pretending to do a podcast/rambling for an hour about fuck knows what, because that's fun or something.

Download link.

I haven't finished listening to this back yet, but it's mostly about Owen/Ianto, Being Human, books I have read recently, The Hunger Games, and rants on why the Being Human tumblr fandom sucks, why I hate the Titanic anniversary and how no one's written me an Avengers bookclub AU. And some other stuff that I already don't remember.

I technically have proper things I could talk about, but to be honest my mum's still really anaemic and all the things, and I'm tired, and so I am instead going to tell you about my new OTP that has eaten my brain. Like, it's the best thing to happen to me since Bel/Freddie (and since I spent Valentine's Day rewatching The Hour instead of romantic movies, and crying at how perfect Bel and Freddie are, that's saying a lot.)

Basically, I was expecting Being Human series four to be crap, and then it turned out it was amazing and delightful and the best thing to happen to me and most of my ugly crying after episode one has been happy crying and just: I love them. This is going to be as spoiler-free as I can make it so don't worry, and just come have my OTP with me because it ticks EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY KINK BOXES.



Anyway, this is Hal and Tom.

Hal is a very, very old vampire who used to be a lord and so is ridiculously posh and a bit stand-offish but in a lovely way, and in order to not kill people anymore he has OCD and spends hours doing origami, listening to Radio Four, and compulsively counting sit-ups. He is also delightfully well put together (TWEED SUITS! BUTTONED COLLARLESS SHIRTS!) and a snarky little bitch, but also has soulful puppy eyes and cries a lot.



Tom is a twenty-year-old werewolf who was brought up in a van by his adopted father and they went around killing vampires, so he is basically the best person in the world and ALL HE WANTS IS TO HAVE A FAMILY. He's also proudly a virgin and describes virginity as a special flower that you don't pluck for anyone.



Between them they have enough personality disorders to fill that hotel they live in, but they are delightfully on the way to being amazing BFFs who also beat each other up sometimes, who are literally terrified of magazines featuring naked women, and who watch Antiques Roadshow on a Sunday night and both give educated guesses as to what they think vases are worth. They are basically the most special snowflakes that have ever existed and to be honest if they tried to have a relationship they would probably both cry a lot like they do every episode and then explode, but it would be delightful.

They've also already had to be pretend boyfriends.




They tick every box I have down to the height kink (Damien Molony, who plays Hal, once talked about how short Michael Socha was in an interview and I DIED) and they tick other boxes I can't talk about because they're spoilers, and EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THIS SHOW IS GOING TO RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN I can't help it, I am so in love with them.



(If it helps the entirety of tumblr is on this ship, and I will drag everyone kicking and screaming with me if I have to.)



I love them so much I want to rip my own face off.

Today's an aimless-wandering-around-on-the-internet sort of day since I still haven't figured out how to apply for courses next year at uni despite the registered post letters York feel the need to send me, and I'm having no luck acquiring the therapy I would really like to fucking have already, so I may as well do an update here, because I have a couple of hours in Starbucks before I pick mum up from work and I really don't need to spend them looking at icons for The Hobbit and crying.

...what things have I been up to, other than everything? Hmmmm.

- Very very brief film review for Shame: I actually wasn't as shocked as all the reviewers or anything told me to be, and I wasn't uncomfortable (even though I saw it with my mum) so all I can really conclude from all this is that I'm some kind of pervert? Anyway, porn aside, I thought it was a really interesting movie that was exquisitely shot and beautifully acted, that raised some interesting questions about mental health and the ways we all cope with things, and I highly recommend it. In less highbrow matters: hiiii, Michael Fassbender's cock.

- I went to the filming of Graham Norton with Teresa, which was excellent because there was Reese Witherspoon (aka one of my girlcrushes/lifespirations, WHY DON'T I HAVE LEGALLY BLONDE ICONS? *goes to look*) and Alex Kingston and Reginald D. Hunter, so it was all people I love and it was extremely hilarious and loads of fun, so I totally want to do it again, since it is free! Although having said that I do not want to queue up basically next to the Thames in bordering-on-sub-zero temperatures again, omg, so cold. Although if you saw the show and thought Alex Kingston came across as a hot mess onscreen, you should have seen the full thing, Teresa and I were going "...we love you, but please, no, stop talking!" Oh Alex ♥

- I saw Panic! At the Disco with uncurl, finkpishnets and lemniciate, and sort-of with clockyards and plasticskies, though they did start queuing from before eight a.m. at Brixton when I was still in bed, so they had the barrier while we were skulking at the back ;) It was a lot of fun though and the music and set were so so pretty ♥ SPENCER SMITH YOU NEED ALL THE FEEDING OMG LOOK AT YOU YOU TINY MAN, NO. And, well, Brendon, you are an incredible singer and can hit notes that nobody should be able to sing, and you are gorgeous and can do ridic little backflips and I do love you, but please never ever talk about anything ever again, omg. We were all there cringing all over each other, I thought I was going to die laughing when uncurl said she hoped Brendon would get electrocuted. Anyway, it was a wonderful night and I'm so glad I got to do it all with fandom people!

- On Sunday I went with uncurl and finkpishnets to the V&A (there was meant to be hanelissar as well but she got snowed in D:) to see the Ben Whishaw Hamlet from 2004, which was fucking incredible. The V&A basically film plays on a single camera and then broadcast them in their lecture theatres sometimes, so while it's not exactly a television-good recording and when it's dark it's sometimes hard to tell what's going on it's a brilliant chance to see things you'd otherwise not get the chance to see. And oh gosh, I think Ben Whishaw is the best Hamlet I've ever seen, like, good grief. He was stunning (and one of the first Hamlets I haven't been wishing death on by the interval; sorry, Hamlet just pisses me off). So that was incredible and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to see it. The V&A are doing this for about the next month; I want to go to most of the performances, even if I can't drag people with me, so I may see you there (anyone up for Benedict Cumberbatch in some Ibsen sometime in March?)

- Oh good grief, I am not fucking ready to talk about Being Human yet, so don't worry about spoilers, but ugh. ALL THE UGLY CRYING. Like, I actually cannot think of a show that has left me a hysterical wreck more often than Being Human has which, when you think about my emotional fluidity, is quite impressive really. But seriously, FUCKING HELL, I'm still going to watch and I'm excited for this season because it's still one of the best shows on television, but I thought there wasn't anything left for it to do since it had already torn my heart out, but I was wrong.

- The cold and the snow and the subzero temperatures and all this can fuck the hell off already, okay? I AM SO COLD AND WEARING TWO SWEATSHIRTS EVERYWHERE IS GETTING IMPRACTICAL. Also I don't have heating at home so I find myself going out to places just because they have heating.

- I've finally got around to listening to Cabin Pressure, which is just delightful and right up there with Space Hacks and Bleak Expectations in terms of radio shows I listen to all the fucking time now. Yes, I have a lot of radio shows on my ipod, I love them. Anyway, it is hilarious and adorable and oh, I just want to adopt Benedict Cumberbatch's character, he is so precious and sad and lame. But I love everyone in it, Arthur is just marvellous, and Douglas just needs to come fix my life already. Ugh. Anyway, glad I've finally listened to it. Now I just need to go stay with hanelissar in Bristol and we can play the drinking game and possibly actually die.

Anyway, I think that's probably you up to date on my life now. I'm really pretty unhappy which I think is making me fairly unbearable to be around if I'm honest, and I'm wracked with unhelpful hormones, and I just want some therapy how is this so hard. But I'm still here and apparently still doing outside and socialising stuff despite the fact that if I knew me I'd have slapped me by now, so that's nice, and I think I'm going to go order another (decaf) coffee or something now because I'm cold and my hands are fucking freezing, and also I always feel guilty about staying in Starbucks for forever stealing all their bandwidth to download 2 Broke Girls (and also I want to go on itunes in a minute; I has vouchers).

Love to all.

I have valid things to say but I can't be arsed so I'll do them later this week!

Anyway, today I am Thinking In Rhyme, which is not like writing poetry because I'm honestly, in a not modest way, crap at poetry, it's just Writing Things That Rhyme. I have bits of paper and computer files all over the place full of these things because it's fun. Anyway, have today's Thinking In Rhyme (which bears no resemblance to anything that has ever happened to me, btw).

Books you can't buy in England, songs you can't buy anymore, no one's thinking about forgiveness, no one's redecorating their own flaws. It's not that I didn't love you, or that I proved you wrong, and I think I would have kissed you but I turned and you were gone. The rumour mills are grinding, there's too much talking outside my room, they claim the honeymoon is over 'cause I fucked the bride and groom. You brought me poetry and roses, I gave you brand new lies to tell; it was betrayal that murdered August but by God I wore it well. I take a scientific approach to mistakes with a hypothesis and a chart, I took my soul off for test conditions but you hung it up as art. The girls who used to like you are increasingly still and quiet and it turns out starving on my home truths is the most effective diet. The streets are getting empty and I'm no longer your occupation, I'd plan out my apologies but they just sound like overcompensation. Shrink-wrap me like a hazard; I fucked it all up last June, now they're singing anthems backwards and burning down the moon. They'd like me to play Eva Peron, dress soaked through with darjeeling, tell your bare bones and your cracked nails and the bloodstains on your ceiling. I'm not scared of you - or them - you know, or the tatters in my frock; now brace yourself, my darling, 'cause we're running back the clock.

Anyway, non-stupid entry to follow some other night.

Love to all.

Trying to find a new layout that I like that doesn't make me look like a) a psychopath, b) a serial killer, c) a hipster or d) a psychopathic hipster serial killer. I'm super picky because I don't want a header or a sidebar so that eliminates a lot of them and, just, stuff.

Right now it is New Girl and dinner, which means I am trying to drink coke-flavoured Lucozade and work out if I like it, it tastes EVERY BIT AS WEIRD AS IT SOUNDS. Also yes, new flavours of Lucozade are about as exciting as it gets for me.

I have been doing hanging out with uncurl this week which was fun; we had a very long lunch with lemniciate on Tuesday which was awesome, she is so great and gorgeous you guys, and then I went shopping in Westfield Stratford with uncurl on Wednesday. Which is ON THE OTHER SIDE OF LONDON and IT TAKES FOREVER TO GET THERE but it's nice and we did, now I think about it, very girly shopping in which jeans and proper clothes were bought and we looked at nail varnish. And they have a Twinings tea stall thing and I bought ALL THE TEA, because I'm loving their Earl Grey Lavender and their Blossom Earl Grey and I'm going to try their Mulled Spice tea and I have about a gazillion boxes of their Rose Tea anyway. Basically, what you should also get out of this is that I LOVE NARGES A LOT, GUYS, I ENJOY HARASSING HER LIFE.

Also I managed to have phone conversations with both uncurl AND hanelissar, both about the ridiculous sexy incestuous baker brothers who love each other (ONE OF THEM GOT ON THE TABLE ON ALL FOURS SO THE OTHER COULD SLAP HIS THIGHS AND EXPLAIN CUTS OF MEAT; I SWEAR THAT THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED) and there was lots of giggling. I'm saying this because I am proud that I am now a little bit capable of occasionally doing phonecalls with Special People.

I'm listening to Tori Amos' Y Kant Tori Read (which is her '80s album before Little Earthquakes and it's delicious, like, just the right mix of slightly-crazy-Tori and New Romantic synths) and Florence & the Machine's Ceremonials (just the right kind of mad and swoopy for my mood) at the moment. They are nice. And probably indicative that something needs fixing and I need to listen to music that isn't like that.

Anyway, life burbles on; I'm sleeping all the fucking time with vivid dreams that are making me feel like a lunatic, and today I am all low-self-esteem-y and anxiety-disorder-y which I'm not enjoying but what the hell, and I intend to watch a lot of DVDs tonight :D I'm torn between carrying on with How I Met Your Mother or actually watching The Ugly Truth, which has Katherine Heigl who I enjoy in romcoms and Gerard Butler who I don't enjoy ever (sorry), but I really like crap romcoms, it is just who I am. With any luck they will grow as people sometime (which is my favourite trope-y thing in romcoms).

Ugh, IDK, LOOK AT ME DOING UPDATING OF MY LJ. Mum's watching figure skating now, which I would love to watch but I'm too scared because I can't handle it if they fall over (like I get all tense and jumpy and stuff) so I guess I should see if my dying laptop wants to play me DVDs.

I hope you're all doing well. Love to all.

Originally posted by cantarina1 at post

Currently topping up my userpic packages, ugh, WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE, WHY AM I SO POOR etc etc etc. But apparently I really need 252 icons to make me happy, so I'll just suck it up. Or my 3G that I'm using on my laptop won't work and everything will end in the Blue Screen of Death and that will be wonderful :/

Currently watching that Call The Midwife thing they have on Sunday nights (recorded, obviously). It's very sweet but it does remind me how much I miss Larkrise and its inanities, where whole episodes could be dedicated to whether or not there was a snake in the village, or pies, and everything ends in a nice banjo song. Mum's off to bed soon and I shall try and get in some more How I Met Your Mother before I go pass out myself. I'm meeting uncurl and lemniciate for lunch tomorrow; although I hang out with uncurl a lot I haven't met lemniciate yet which is exciting but also scary so I should probably get up early enough in the morning to wash my hair so I look like a person, good first impressions and so forth!

I feel like I had THINGS TO REMEMBER TO SAY, but to be honest I've been at work all day and I'm knackered, and my evening has basically been spent watching documentaries on illuminated manuscripts and texting uncurl about the sexy baking brothers, and now I'm just kitten yawning at my laptop. Oh well, if you want me to say stuff, there's still my ridiculous hour-long podcast ~thing in my last post!

Love to all.

Okay, so, I had a lot of fandomy things I wanted to talk about so I decided to try and do something resembling a podcast because I got bored typing everything up. I recorded it on my iphone so it's actually got decent sound (apart from all the noise from outside), but you'll need itunes to listen to it?

In which Jenn has a lot of ~feelings about a number of things including (but not limited to) megaupload, Sherlock, various fics, Fassavoy, The Hobbit, writing, Howl's Moving Castle, the sexy baking brothers and Michael Fassbender/Taylor Swift (no really). I also say "um", "like" and "ridiculous" a lot, and at one point pour scalding tea all over myself.

Download Link.

If you listen to this please leave me comments like this was a real entry, and, um, yeah. Enjoy?

Love to all.

Happy New Year, darlings.

Obviously you know that my feelings regarding this year are mostly "oh gosh, please, just don't suck as hard as last year" because we really can't beat last year for pretty terrible (like, there's entire months that I've lost and have no memories of, because I wasn't functioning and so they've just vanished, but, oh well) but anyway, fingers crossed for things improving this year.

I also genuinely wish for the best for you guys this year, because you're a wonderful flist and all of you deserve everything amazing ♥ I'm going to make a concerted effort to be around more from now, since I love you guys so much. I can't promise to comment though, because the stupid new LJ comment thing doesn't really like my 3G thing I have to use on my laptop, but THE EMOTIONS WILL BE THERE.

My new years' eve was spent seeing The Nutcracker at the Royal Opera House and then lounging around on the sofa at home eventually obnoxiously live-tweeting X-Men: First Class (which, yes, you're right: I am running out of new things to say about it. I have a LOT OF FEELINGS AND OPINIONS, but not necessarily ones no one has heard before). And I've been at work today, which was of course super packed and full of people wanting to do things *sarcasm*.

And, yes, Sherlock, which I saw last month at the preview screening so I've had all my feelings quietly and in private, but which continues to be amazing.

I'm reading in a ridiculous number of fandoms at the moment, including a number I'm not in, but particularly enjoying all the Charles/Erik AUs that exist and don't suck, and I'm still watching my way through a ridiculous number of sitcoms and nothing that is a proper TV show because yay for no triggers! Writing-wise, I finally finished my X-Men high school AU - at 58,000 words, because I do not learn - and I'll get Bobbie to post that on paperclipbitch when I've had feedback from some people so the world can ~see it. I'm also desperately looking for Percival/Leon from the Merlin fandom which isn't working, ugh, where is it and how do I get some? *crying* I mean, I'll read anything about Arthur's boyband (as I call the knights), but I really, really ship Percival/Leon. *sad expression*

Anyway, I have a busy week with an Actual Social Life this week because bubbles_mc_gee is coming to London and there's all sorts of things happening in conjunction with other favourite people of mine, so, *flail*.

What I'm trying to say with all this shit is that I love you all, and happy new year, best wishes and affection your way.

Ugh, well, I've finally stopped crying at Doctor Who (less because of the content and more because of my very specific triggers), which I've managed to do with my usual lack of dignity; my hair, neck, chest and face are all soaking wet, and I'm not sure how I managed to get all those various parts of my soggy. Anyway!

Obviously it hasn't been the best Christmas ever, but it's been nice. I was a bit worried this morning but managed to pull it back (mum and I always prepare dinner while listening to a collection of greatest hits that have been released that year, and this year was Steps' turn, which was hilarious awesome fun) and have had a very quiet but pretty good day. With lots of sleeping in it, because I'm knackered. Like, I was in bed by 10:30 last night, which is unheard for me on Chrismas Eve, especially since I'd already been asleep for about an hour on the sofa!

Apart from being at work with increasingly crabby customers, it's been a pretty nice week. It was a work reunion type thing as all the temps who've been at uni came back for our basically annual meet up of working together for a year, and Teresa and I went to see The Feeling on Wednesday for the cutest, loveliest Christmas gig ever ♥ Seriously, it was the sweetest cuddliest night. And then one morning a customer came in with her baby baby spaniel puppy who's so little he has to be carried everywhere and then just handed him over for us to cuddle and stroke and play with, which was the best.

I've got a headcold but that's just an excuse to stay under my blanket and not do anything, so I'm quite zen about that. We had a gloriously good Christmas lunch (WHEN I DIE BURY ME IN GOOSEFAT POTATOES) and dinner's coming up soon, which is full of a gloriously decadent amount of other things, so I will end today in the requisite coma.

Also, mum got me the most delicious cape so I can "swish about pretending to be in Sherlock Holmes", so when I get around to seeing Sherlock Holmes 2 again I can appropriately pretend to be Irene. I have nice things from Christmas, even though I still don't have X-Men: First Class, which I must rectify tomorrow, clearly.

Babbling aside: happy whatever you're celebrating/not celebrating today, I hope you're all well and cared for and happy.

Love to everybody.

It turns out only thing I can write at the moment are mean things about the Jonas Brothers, but the fact I'm capable of writing anything is great, so, you might as well ~learn about this ridiculous/lovely series with me. It's all on youtube if you're interested ;)

JONAS 1x01: Wrong Song
(In which Nick has a psychotic stalk-y breakdown complete with hallucinations and singing, and the other main plot points involve mostly velcro)

( It should be noted, though, that it’s kind of sad that despite being rockstars and also ACTUAL PEOPLE, the only friends they have are a girl who has known them since childhood and has therefore been kind of hothoused into liking them, not to mention the fact that they *pay her*, and a girl who would not only buy their used bathwater off ebay, but who would also *drink it*. Just saying. If I were their parents I’d be worried. )

I was actually going to do these in order, but apparently I'm starting with episode three, mostly because I put a couple of extracts on twitter and people wanted to see the whole thing. Anyway.

( Since Nick doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who does anything at all that involves wiggling or any other kind of unnecessary frivolous movement, I can only assume that he’s talking about handjobs. )

And now I must go to bed because I have work in the morning, and also, I am ridiculous. And I must tag this sometime.

Ganked from isweedan.

I AM SO SORRY. THIS IS TERRIBLE QUALITY AND POSSIBLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE AND UTTERLY NONSENSICAL AND FORTY MINUTES LONG.



Think of this as a template. If you want to skip a question, go ahead. If you want to add your own questions or just ramble on about bandom or fanfiction, feel free! Just do a podcast or a voice post or whatever you can to get your voice on the internets for all of us to hear.

1. What's your username and is there a story behind it?
2. Where are you from and where do you live now?
3. What are you wearing? Yes, I am hitting on you.
4. How long have you been in bandom? How did you get into it?
5. Which bands are your favorites?
6. Which band members are your favorites?
7. Have you seen any of them in concert? Any fun stories or memories to share?
8. Do you have an OTP? What is it, and why do you love it?
9. What story do you wish someone would write?
10. Are you working on something for bandom right now? Tell us a little bit about it.
11. You've got fic open somewhere on your computer right now, don't lie. So go to one of your open tabs or word documents or whatever, and read us a couple of lines.
12. Say these words: Iero, haberdashery, LOLcat, flist, dirigible, halcyon, nemesis, ephemeral, languorous

I might transcribe this at some point as when I get excited you literally cannot understand me.

So mostly nowadays I go to work and I sleep (I sleep all the time now, it seems to be some kind of fatigue Thing, which, sigh) and sometimes in between that I watch fluffy things. Things are okay; not great, okay, and I'm still living on a day to day basis (last... Monday, I think, I went temporarily crazy and mum admitted later that she was trying to work out how the hell she was going to emergency section me. Like, I can't blame her, I was claiming to foresee my own death and refusing to touch anything and saying things like "the world is stuck to my eyes, I can see so much I've gone blind") but I'm trundling along. I make it into work every day - sometimes more on time than others, depending on how getting out of bed is - even for the days when I start at 8 a.m., and I'm being a good children's bookseller and I periodically manage to be ~sociable and... that's about the best I can do.

Christmas is kicking off in earnest at work, so it's all very crazy and busy and there are TOO MANY BOOKS EVERYWHERE AND WE DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO PUT THEM. And I have no concentration span and customers started making me anxious again yesterday, but, you know, we shall see.

Fandom-wise, I'm mostly reading Things Involving The Jonas Brothers. In any pairing. Although I'm super sad there isn't more Nick Jonas/Logan Lerman out there because, um, YES. Ugh. I also want any-pairing porn about Mike Carden's fucking hips, because I have EMOTIONS and so forth.

Right, better post this as mum is making "Jennifer Anne, can we have soup at some point before Misfits" noises. I've run out of money and can't make this a paid account as I am extremely, extremely poor, so I have... a startlingly small number of icons D:

Hope you're all okay. Love to all.

Drinking Ovaltine. I forgot how... weird it is. Like, not bad, but weird. It's sort of like drinking Ready Brek, but, like, fluidy. Awww, remember the Ready Brek dragon? Suddenly realised I miss him. *childhood sobbing*

I'm tired this afternoon, and anxious. And also in York! I'm two emails away from going on my leave of absence from uni, which of course means I haven't actually sent them yet, but there's been meetings and talking and things so that's all sorted. Now I have to pack up all my stuff and move out, which is proving to be the difficult bit, as I want to do neither of those things. However, I can't afford to pay rent on a house I don't live in, and it's not fair on my housemates to leave all my shit here, so I'm going to have to start dismantling my room this evening. Which I hate, because I love this house and my room and all the things.

Anyway.

Things I like at the moment:

one. TV shows involving cake. Which I know is absolutely nothing new, but The Great British Bake Off was so flawless (ROB AND HIS PRETTINESS AND INABILITY TO BAKE FOR SHIT) as it always is, and, just, flail. And I still love Cupcake Wars and Ace of Cakes and Food Network Challenge. Basically, all these things are soothing to me.

two. Everything that happyplace.com chooses to be in life. It's doing an amazing job of weaning me off my accidental addiction to graphic serial killer websites.

three. Supergods by Grant Morrison. It's a biography of superheroes and their development throughout the twentieth century. It's detailed, nerdy, pretentious and glorious, and I'm having so so much fun reading it. I've also got some vintage DC stuff I want to track down now, but anyway.

four. Vintage pornography. Bear with me here. I went to Amsterdam with drag_queen90 a few weeks ago, which was an absolutely wonderful and much-needed trip, and we went to a sex museum. Which was hilarious and terrible and mostly full of implausible mannequins with super disturbing pubic hair, but there was also an exhibition of pornographic photos through history. And I've found from about the Victorian era through to about the 1920s the porn is fabulous; everyone looks like real people who are having fun and it's all in studios and there's great hair all round. It's honestly not a titillation thing, but it's wonderful to look at. I'm currently making a vintage porn tumblr that I may or may not link to at some point.

Um... I've been sitting here for ages trying to think of a point five and it's making me sleepy so I'll stop now. But hey: LJ entry!

Love to all.

I randomly tweet people telling them how much I love them because I'm a creepy twitter person with nothing better to do, and Victoria Asher just direct messaged me in response. I am literally shaking and crying. I don't even care that my life is in pieces. I love her so much. She truly is one of my idols.

I just... this is so wonderful, I cannot even.

Still alive. Got put on new drugs called venlafaxine, which I started last week (after needing an ecg and blood pressure check because these drugs are vaguely dangerous and could give me actual heart problems) and which then gave me the most epically horrible side-effects. I felt physically, terrifyingly sick for six days straight, woke up several times a night, couldn't function, couldn't eat. Finally starting to recover from that but the pills haven't kicked in yet, as I got sent home from work today because I had a panic attack and then couldn't get rid of it and was all weepy and terrified and unfunctioning.

So. Not there yet.

This was going to be a really obnoxious LJ post that literally only I would understand, but I'm trying to be less of an obnoxious bitch and as Teresa pointed out, my few tweets in the wilderness are really cryptic and so forth, so I should probably try and do talking.

Also, if you're trying to find me on twitter, I've been ridiculous and breakdown-y and changed my username to @milkbutnotsugar because I really like being helpful. My name name on there is currently winter is coming so I've basically vanished with my face.

I'm reading a lot at the moment because reading is good for brooding. I've particularly enjoyed The Radleys by Matt Haig, which is basically the vampire novel I always wanted to write, and so brilliant and unputdownable. Also, Waterstones has the first chapter of the new Terry Pratchett as a giveaway and it is wonderful, one of my co-workers is hopefully going to ring the publishers and try and see if she can get me an advance copy. Probably won't work, but I want it so badly.

I'm chewing my way through the A Song of Ice and Fire books at the moment; I read A Game of Thrones in, like, three days I think? Which is really demonstrative of my mental state, I suppose. Currently about a quarter of the way through A Clash of Kings. I'm enjoying them a lot; they're intensely gripping and readable, though in places a little more American than I really like my high fantasy. Which is not really George R. R. Martin's fault since he is American, but meh. My favourite people are Tyrion and Bran and Jon and Dany and Arya. Tyrion is such a fucking BAMF, I cannot even. And, like, my mum is losing patience with the way I spend my whole time yelling JON, YOUR LIFE IS SO HARD at the page.

I've slowly started watching the show, now, which is very pretty to look at, and has all kinds of pretty people in it. Like, oh my gosh, Kit Harington, HOW DID THEY FIND YOU? Did they, like, audition everyone and say HAVE AN EXPRESSION LIKE SOMEONE STAMPED ON YOUR PUPPY and then picked the most distressing one? Like, he literally has a MY LIFE IS SO HARD face. I can't get over it.

I can't wait to have icons once I'm back on proper internet again; my Jon keywords are going to be Jon/maybe i'm a mermaid because, um, IDEK. And my Bran ones will be from Castle Down by Emilie Autumn. I won't be writing or reading fic because I know George R. R. Martin feels personally violated but isn't all Anne Rice about it, so I respect that. Might make a fanmix about Bran though. I really like Bran. But not in a creepy way.

What else... it's been a pretty busy week, which considering that I'm barely functional and generally horrible to be around, is kind of awesome. I ended up at the pre-screening of Let's Kill Hitler for... some reason, that reason mainly being that Teresa is a Goddess, and it was good and I liked it and then Arthur Darvill was there in person (also Karen Gillan) and, like, I cannot control my Arthur Darvill lust after the Doctor Faustus thing. Ugh. Ugh. But I cannot say more because I don't want to spoil things for anyone. And I finally met piss_and_ink and we went to the Globe and it was all lovely and it was fabulous to finally meet her! ♥ She's awesome. And I went to an Indian Wedding and managed the hours and hours of the ceremony with seven hundred guests and didn't freak out so that was cool. And today I was at work (my bookseller fantasy of the day involved Kit Harington coming in to buy books and me serving him and then bursting into tears. I don't know what would happen next, presumably he would back away in horror) and then went for dinner with Teresa and bubbles_mc_gee which was nice, and we went to M&Ms World in Leicester Square, which is the most horrific fucking horrible place ever, I can't even. Although you can get a pick and mix of M&Ms colours and I learned that my ideal bag of M&Ms would basically be full of grey and cream and dark purple and teal coloured sweets.

Other than that, I have anxiety pains so bad it's getting ridiculous; they've taken over both collarbones and have finally spread to my ribcage, which is annoying and unpleasant, and I've been off my medication for a week now and am having disturbed nights, which I can't work out is coming from doing nothing but reading A Song of Ice and Fire in the hours before bed or if I'm now too anxious to sleep properly, and the CBT isn't working because I'm mentally not worried but the anxiety's got my body. And I'm a horrible miserable monosyllabic bitch. BUT I'm finally seeing my therapist on... Monday, and I'm going to ask her for help so that I can do things like not cut my support network out of my life. Also function. Functioning would be nice.

Okay, I think that's all my things.

Hey all

I was at work today; did not want to get up at seven for my eight a.m. start at all, past couple of days really caught up with me. I didn't notice standing for hours and hours yesterday but now I ache all over, and being so tense for so long has left everything hurting. And I have a rotten cold now because of not sleeping/being stressed. I don't mind, just, wah.

I'm impressed at how fast the Junction is repairing itself; a lot of places have had their windows replaced already, although admittedly it does basically look like St John's Road is actually made of wood. So many shops were open today, brave little toasters that they are; we all went for a coffee in Starbucks after work even though the broken windows haven't been taken out and it's all boarded up. That was quite atmospheric and weird, since all the lights were on and there were only two intact windows on one side.

Going on a bus down Lavender Hill early this morning was pretty emotional, since we couldn't get onto Lavender Hill itself yesterday, so it was the first chance to see the wreckage up close. They'd utterly trashed the organic supermarket, glass and things everywhere, while books are proven not to be kryptonite because the Christian bookshop nobody ever goes in was in bits. By the time I got back to the Junction about five, though, everything was at least boarded up, some places already had sparkly new windows - they were replacing the Christian bookshop windows as we walked past - and it was all pretty functional. So proud.

SHOCKING FACTS FROM THE RIOTS: a lot of the shops have got hold of their CCTV and have been watching it back. Apparently, before it got set on fire, there's footage of a woman looting the party shop and bringing out her five-year-old children in fancy dress. Debenhams is apparently full of blood from people cutting themselves getting inside, which is why forensics were in there all day yesterday. We looked in through one of the still intact windows; the display cases and counters were smashed through, window-glass still clinging to the frames behind the boards. Our Starbucks staff told us that if they weren't so busy crying over their CCTV footage they'd laugh; rioters were taking literally one drink and one sandwich out of the cabinets each, then putting them in paper Starbucks bags to carry away. Some returned for a single box of mints or a biscuit. Oddly civilised, really.

So far, though I don't want to jinx it, tonight has been very quiet and things seem to be going okay. Fingers crossed for the whole country here.

Love to all.

Right, let's try and have a vaguely coherent post about my experiences of the London riots, both for anyone who is interested and for posterity for me, because I get the feeling that when I finally properly sleep I won't remember most of this.

This is really, really, really long, so don't worry about reading it, it's mostly for me :) And I'm sure I've already forgotten some huge stuff.

( Read more... )

My thoughts are with everyone tonight. Stay safe, stay sane.